tension.

I don't know if I can still take it. The pain, the pressure, the stress. The tension around are rising so much so that i hardly know what am I exactly doing. But I want good grades. I'm trying to prove that all my studying are worth it. Even though I don't even know whether I'm capable of getting good grades.

Got to go study again. roar D:
Don't know why am i studying so hard when I know i can't make it.

P.S. what exactly makes it so hard? i really don't know. and i really don't wanna know.

it just hurt more than what i can bear.

whenever i see you ___.
my _____ will be like _______ by ______ from nowhere.
whenever i see that i'm no longer at that ________ in your _____.
a ____ taste overwhelms me.
idk why.
shall stop here and go study D:

"It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you."
-Mark Twain

P.S. don't cry, or i'll cry too.

my heart ache for you.

monday blues.
don't like mondays as its the start of the LONG week.
many people's birthday today.
so its a happy and sad day.
roar.
went home straight after school today.
felt a sense of accomplishment.
going to study later.
jiayous everyone for their revision.

P.S. ithurtsomuchthaticanbarelybreathe.
why you? i wouldn't be so hurt if it isn't you.

Flight Dreams (from Unmarked Treasure - Cyril Wong)

I often dreamt of flying when I was younger.
Such dreams supposedly meant
that I had feelings of entrapment in my real life.
It was true. Back then I believed
I was determined to lead a life
my parents would be proud of: I would attain
a degree, a job, remain a Christian, marry a nice girl.
During those days, I would fly
off balconies, jump off the tops of flats and swim
through air for hours in my sleep.

Then I discovered a part of me that rose up
in a hundred bedrooms that eventually
looked like each other, when a stranger’s
hand or mouth would push me back into myself,
only to suck me back out again by the shock
of the body’s capacity for desire
like a black wave rolling back and forth,
back and forth right through me.

I remember I was catapulted from that claustrophobic
room of my parents’ dream of my future.
I believed I began to understand myself
for the first time. The idea of a self
was an astronaut who had been cut
free from his spacecraft and made to float
straight out into a starry nothingness.

For a long time after that, I could not recall
the last time I actually dreamt of flying.

from Unmarked Treasure - Cyril Wong

weighed down by potted plants I must never fail to water.

i'm trying my best to study as much as i can,
but all i've got recently are just frustrations,
feeling frustrated for not studying enough.
i wan good grades, who doesn't,
but the amount i study always don't satisfy what i want/need.
only left a week to EOY.
i don't wan to get that same old grades anymore,
but its just hard for me to study.
looking back at the last few years,
i realised i didn't have that much desire to study as compared to this time,
i realised what i got were all shityyyyy results and disappointment.
i don't want history to repeat itself.

was thinking whether to post this on my private blog or this blog.
since its been i long time since i "expose" myself.
I'm afraid of other's viewpoints.
especially yours.

P.S. I am lost in this dream.

faces of murky ponds.

the spongebob i bought at sabah


saudi arabia chewing gum from mannan


my brother


my mum and my brother. O:

studied in school today with peeps,
but didn't achieve much.
damn sad over the fact that i wasted 4 hours in school,
only completing 4 maths qns.
roar, so disappointed with myself.
but its pretty fun though.
going study at compass tmr.
hope that i won't waste my time like today.
i don't think will lah.

P.S. you have to face it to overcome it.

the invisible blueprint of a life.

had oral today.
it was pretty fine,
except for the fact that i stoned there for like 60mins.
almost died of boredom.
friday is finally coming.
tmr will be a damn short day without cca.
scared that nobody stay back with me (most probably),
then i have to go home like super early and stone at home.

tmr is lunchbox day again.
what cereal should i bring.
hmmm...

"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts."
-Margaret Lee Runbeck

P.S. life is changing and i can't react to it

race against time.

jiayi's mini birthday party

its wednesday and i feel weird reaching home early.

but i had no choice.

nowhere else to go D:

even though had ODAC meeting,

but it ended at 3 plus plus.

oral tmr and i totally don't know what to say for picture discussion.

i'm so gonna stone in front of that teacher tmr.

roar. :/

was damn frustated/angry/sad? last night.

boohoo.

D:

P.S. don't act as if you know me very well.

Happy birthday to jiayi! :D

dedicate this post to you okays.
feel honoured hor. :D

hey, 15 years old luh leh.
so old, hahas d:
must stay happy and cheerful forever hor.
i don't wan you to become like a old hag next time.
always having black face.
thanks for being there when i needed company.
thanks for being there when i needed help.
must always remember that you have this group of frens there for you :D
shall include more details in the letter i give you tmr.
once again

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

photos again

grp photo taken during white water rafting
(photo quality sucks D: roar)


hehes, me :D

group photo before via ferrata.

group photo at the orphanage

group photo at changi airport

reopened my blog

shall start with the photos


the 'family' photo

valerie khong's birthday

shopping at ion

zilian-ing in class

after 2-star kayaking

last day of term 3

after 2 star kayaking

on mount kinabalu

via ferrata

changi airport

the sunrise

on the way up mount kinabalu

~speechless

self-portrait

at the orphanage